My biggest strength is my biggest weakness; I'm always hungry, never satisfied...over thinking and too much in my head. I'm self conscious and uncomfortable in my own skin. I'll admit that with my selfishness, I don't always think about how my actions impact others but I'm learning. I wish I had a better sense of belonging, but that's probably on me. I pray everyday that I figure out how to open my heart to the Lord and everyone else for that matter. I don't know why I have a guarded heart and I don't know how to let my guard down. I don't know how to be vulnerable. I'm scared.
I think I have a mild case of ADHD, which makes me a terrible listener. What's worse is that I'm not very sensitive with my words either, but I promise I will always "show up" and go out of my way to be there. I may not remember a story youve told me but I'll never forget a story we've created together.
I'm a people person. I can be extroverted and shy at the same time. I love talking to strangers because I feel like I get to start fresh. I know I look intimidating at first but if I'm comfortable around you, you'll find a wimpy, sensitive, girly tomboy. When I do find that moment of bliss, that feeling of home, the most comfortable state of mind and being my true self, I'm giddy, playful and silly. A kid at heart. I love to dance goofy (do my happy dance) and just giggle. I love playing all types of sports and games and building things. But arts and crafts projects give me anxiety because I'm too worried about what other people think and I have no sense of design. I love traveling and studying other cultures because I feel like that's when we learn the most about ourselves and the rest of the world.
I'm too hard on myself, high expectations, and doubt my capabilities, but I'm learning how to find my sweet spot. However, I'm pretty easy going, chill and I'd say well-rounded. Maybe a jack of all trades, master of none. I nerd out on certain topics and cannabis is definitely one of them. Im a regular consumer who uses it for therapeutic wellness for my state of mind and body. I love being creative and active while high and doing something productive. I actually think I'm addicted to being productive. I don't know how to relax. I always feel like I'm wasting time not doing something I should be, something that makes me grow, like reading or learning or doing something new. I'm a slave to time.
I've always been career driven but maybe slowing down. Trying to focus and remember the important things in life. I've always been goal oriented (gamification). My number one goal in life is to be the best mom I can, and pass along my lessons learned to develop a child who might be able to heal the world, make it a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race....🎶🎶 seriously though, I do love kids....
I am thankful every day that God has blessed me with everything He has and the relatively storm-free life He has provided. I try to stay humble knowing it could all be gone tomorrow. However, I don't think Im humble enough or else I wouldn't be as worried. I would be at peace knowing God has my back. Philippians 4:6.
Overall, I wish I was a happier, more comfortable person, at peace. People assume and judge the type of person i am... It may look like I have my shit together but look past my accomplishments and material possessions, and youre left with imperfections, loneliness, and internal struggle. Learning how to be satisfied with what I have, praying for serenity and strengthening my faith and love for God. Trying to figure out who I am, and how I want to be remembered as a daughter, sister, cousin, friend, coworker and future wife and mother...
This is me and all (maybe most) of my imperfections... I know social media tends to show the highlights but here's the real me.
Lord, I pray that you bless me with the holy spirit to give me the strength to open my heart and be truly thankful and not have any anxiety about what may or may not come but be at peace by your will...Amen.
I debated for several days whether or not I should post this, worried again about being too raw and vulnerable, but seeing Kina Ginnis' instagram post about her struggles, inspired me to share mine....